Dr. Michael Kerr, M.D., a leading authority on Bowen Family Systems Theory, explains key Bowen Theory Concepts such as emotional triangles, emotional fusion, and differentiation of self.
Dr. Michael Kerr, M.D., is one of the foremost experts on Bowen Family Systems Theory. As a former director of the Bowen Center and author of two books, Dr. Kerr spent his entire clinical career applying the theory in counseling practice. In a detailed presentation, he offered a thorough explanation of Bowen Theory Concepts, focusing on the emotional process known as “triangling.”
Dr. Kerr emphasized that a person cannot understand the nature of emotional reactivity in families without understanding triangles and the emotional system in which they operate. This summary captures the key ideas, in his own words, from that presentation.
One of Dr. Kerr’s main points is that triangles are the molecules of an emotional system. He frequently repeated this phrase to highlight their centrality in Bowen Theory Concepts. A two-person relationship, he said, is inherently unstable. Human beings have an intense need for emotional closeness but also experience discomfort when closeness becomes too intense.
To manage this instability, two people under emotional pressure often involve a third. This stabilizing formation is called a triangle. Dr. Kerr stated that triangles are everywhere in family life and that their shifts and role reversals can be observed in predictable ways. For example, the outsider in a triangle may eventually become an insider as tensions shift, and the previous insider may be pushed out.
Dr. Kerr used the term groupiness to describe the emotional tendency of individuals to align with others. This groupiness, he said, is essential to understanding triangle processes.
He stressed that seeing triangles accurately requires a shift from cause-and-effect thinking to systems thinking. In his words, “It is impossible to see triangles without shifting from individual cause and effect thinking to systems thinking.” Assigning the cause of behavior to one person, he explained, is not aligned with Bowen Theory Concepts.
Instead, a triangle is a relationship process in which all members contribute equally to how anxiety moves and is managed. This distinction was a central theme in the presentation.
A major focus of Dr. Kerr’s talk was the importance of differentiation of self. He defined this in terms of emotional objectivity—the capacity to separate facts from feelings and to remain emotionally neutral without cutting off from others.
He stated clearly: “Emotional objectivity is possible.” According to Bowen Theory Concepts, a well-differentiated person can see an emotionally intense situation not as toxic, but as interesting. This allows for thoughtful functioning instead of automatic reactivity.
Dr. Kerr discussed his own experiences of reactivity within his family and how recognizing his own role in triangles helped him reduce emotional intensity. This, he said, made space for better functioning in the family system.
Dr. Kerr emphasized that emotional functioning is shaped early in life, especially in what he called the parental triangle. This is where emotional programming develops around approval, attention, expectations, and distress. These patterns are absorbed and repeated.
He spoke of emotional fusion—a lack of emotional boundaries between people. In his presentation, Dr. Kerr cited a description where fusion feels “so permeable, it doesn’t matter whose body is whose.” Fusion, he explained, is not a healthy closeness but a merging of identities that reduces individual functioning.
Dr. Kerr listed terms such as unresolved symbiotic attachment, functional interdependence, and undifferentiation as fundamentally equivalent ways to describe this condition. These were all terms he used in the context of Bowen Theory Concepts.
Dr. Kerr explained that emotional interdependence is so strong that disturbances in a relationship can feel like a threat to survival. He referenced the idea that “loss of each other equals death.” He emphasized the intensity of this experience, noting that it is part of the human emotional system and not merely psychological.
Triangles, according to his teaching, help manage this level of anxiety. When one triangle becomes overloaded with tension, it often connects to another, forming interlocking triangles. This process can spread anxiety throughout the family system.
Throughout the presentation, Dr. Kerr shared real-life examples from his own nuclear family to show how difficult it can be to recognize one’s role in a triangle. He admitted that it took years—even decades—to realize how he had been contributing to emotional reactivity by siding with one member of the family and distancing from another.
These examples were not shared to dramatize, but to demonstrate how Bowen Theory Concepts apply in everyday family life. He concluded by saying that emotional neutrality and stepping back from triangles allowed his family members to resolve issues more effectively without his interference.
Dr. Michael Kerr, M.D., presents Bowen Theory Concepts as practical, observable, and deeply rooted in biology and emotional process. His emphasis on triangles, differentiation of self, and emotional programming forms a clear map for understanding family systems.
According to Dr. Kerr, recognizing these patterns and working to reduce one’s own reactivity is not only possible—it is essential to emotional maturity.
